TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
     
It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals
have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between
employees.  Due to complaints from some more easily offended workers, this
conduct will no longer be tolerated.
     
The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being
able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their
fellow employees.  Therefore the management has compiled the following
code phrases, so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue.

     
Old Phrase				New Phrase
-----------------			------------------

No fucking way				I'm not certain that's feasible.

You've got to be shitting me		Really?

Tell someone who gives a fuck		Perhaps you should check with...

Ask me if I give a fuck			Of course I'm concerned.

It's not my fucking problem		I wasn't involved in that project.

What the fuck?				Interesting behavior.

Fuck it, it won't work			I'm not sure I can implement this.

Why the fuck didn't you tell me		I'll try to schedule that.
  that sooner?

When the fuck do you expect me		Perhaps I can work late.
  to do this?

Who the fuck cares?			Are you sure it's a problem?

He's got his head up his ass		He's not familiar with that 
  problem.

Eat shit				You don't say.

Eat shit and die			Excuse me?

Eat shit and die, motherfucker		Excuse me, sir?

What the fuck do they			They weren't happy with it?
  want from me?

Kiss my ass				So you'd like help with it?

Fuck it. I'm on salary			I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

Shove it up your ass			I don't think you understand.

This job sucks				I love a challenge.

Who the hell died and made		You want me to take care of this?
  you boss?

Blow me					I see.

Blow yourself				Do you see?

Another fucking meeting			Yes, we should discuss this.

I really don't give a shit		I don't think it will be a problem.

Fuck you				How nice. How very nice!