(1) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

(2) WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.

(3) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

(4) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

(5) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

(6) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

(7) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

(8) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary, whose name you can't remember.

(9) WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

(10) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named CHUCK.

(11) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

(12) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

(13) WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

(14) WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.